Thursday, August 23, 2007

How Those Funny Office Romances Start…!

21st August, 2007

The subject of this post will perhaps never read this, but I don’t see any reason why that should hamper the object of my writing this piece! So, here I go!

Some things happen in life which are least expected, and which hit you like a bolt from the blue… at times the resultant shock is unpleasant; at times, it is thrilling. And at yet other times, it is simply unexpected!

My tryst with this colleague of mine falls pretty much in the third category!

I took first notice of this guy when a couple of my other female colleagues were plotting his marriage with a girl somewhere, somehow known to them. The poor guy and the supposed bride were both blissfully unaware of these dark schemes, but that did not stop my colleagues from having a good laugh behind the poor guy’s back!

Soon enough, however, the “poor guy” noticed that he was being the butt of some unknown joke, and quite naturally, did some grave thinking on the matter! In doing so, he took a few facts into consideration:
a) the gang of females who laugh at him consists of only one girl who’s nearer to his age,
b) she’s supposedly single, and
c) she tries her best not to giggle so blatantly at him, and even looks a bit abashed when the others do so.

And hence, he deduced that the joke must have a better half, and that the better half must relate to this particular girl (who was quite oblivious to this reasoned decision of his)!

Poor, unlucky me… to be dragged into a matter where I had virtually no part to play!!!

The moment, however, this glorious conclusion had been reached, I found myself being given a bit of extra attention, and tentative smiles. For the first few days, I merely looked my confusion. What had happened all of a sudden, to make me worthy of such exclusive gestures? What did I do? And then, the realization of his glorious conclusion hit me!

I did not have a clue about how to convey the real situation to him. Confused and flabbergasted beyond all measures, I resorted to ignoring his tentative gestures. This time it was his turn to be confused. He had, apparently, confidently assumed his conclusions to be true. Hence my flat refusal to acknowledge his gestures confused him for a good measure – if I was interested, then why did I not show it even when he was encouraging me?!

In the mean time, I tried informing my female colleagues about the plan going all awry, and before I knew what had hit me, the joke had turned on me and him! The guy, unnaturally sharp that he is in such matters, noticed me blush and look extremely abashed more than once while my colleagues were having a gala time at our cost, and his assumptions turned to belief!

However, since there were no acknowledgements yet from my side, his gestures gradually reduced, and finally came to naught. But it seemed to me that our eyes were (and still are) invariably drawn to each other! On countless occasions have I spotted his eyes on me, and many a times I do take to returning the stare as well. I can’t deny that my eyes also do go looking for him, for no apparent reason! I also can’t deny the fact that I do enjoy those occasional run-in’s with him, or that I too flirt with him if I get the chance!!!

Quite obviously, such things don’t go unnoticed, do they?! Especially not when there is a good measure of jokes and talk already going on in this matter!

I know the two of us don’t mean a thing to each other. I’m sure we both know we aren’t right for each other. I can bet none of us are looking to start anything more than a fling. Truth is, we don’t even like each other. And the bigger truth is that at this age, we are still falling prey to “puppy loves”!

If you care to analyse the episode, the whole of it actually began because the good natured humour of my colleagues instigated it! Where there was nothing, a whole story was made out and a whole new sentiment was implicated. And that made all the difference! Because people talked about us, we took notice of each other, and because we started taking notice of each other, people got talking!

Now you know, my dear readers, how exactly do funny rumours start in the office, and end up becoming true stories! How ironical, ain’t it!!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Random Ramblings Again…

7th August, 2007

I have fallen into one of those bouts of depression again. And alarmingly, this has been the longest in the past few years… I behave normally with everyone, laugh and joke and do all that I’m supposed to do, and yet, a thick, dark cloud gathers in the corner of my mind… a cloud full of sparkling, shimmering tear drops…

But those tears are hidden from all… because if they spill, thousands of questions will besiege me. What are these tears for? What has upset me? Which dream of mine is shattered?

And I will have no answer…

How do I explain the hopelessness that shrouds my mind every now and then? How do I tell them about the aimless wanderings of my heart? How do I possibly make them imagine that happiness is what is missing in my life?

To the eyes of the commoner, I should be a very happy young woman!

But I am not… I do not have what my heart desires the most, I cannot do what my heart tells me to do, I fail to comprehend the melody of the songs sung by my heart… I am a slave of the mundane practicalities of life… I have everything, and yet, I have nothing.

And so, down my cheeks do the teardrops roll – silent, discreet, covert, afraid of bothering the world…

Sometimes I long for a companion, who’ll let me cry without question… who’ll take me in his arms, and instead of wiping my tears away, will let them flow… so that the tears can finally wash away the sadness that grips my heart…

Sometimes I long for a companion, who’ll not question my sadness… who’ll delve into the depths of my sadness and not into the supposed reason behind it… who’ll understand that the only way to slay the sadness in me is to make me truly happy and content…

Sometimes I long for a companion, who’ll not seek to kiss away my troubles, but will help me listen to my heart, so that the troubles go away on their own…

Sometimes I long for a companion who’ll give me the fulfillment of love…

But such a companion doesn’t exist in this mundane world of practicalities, does he? It is but a mere shadow and a thought that I am chasing… a wild dream…

Which really means that I am doomed to my sadness and tears forever… there is no escape, no ending, no silver lining to the dark clouds that gather in the corner of my mind, no bright light at the end of the dark tunnel, no first rays of the sun at dawn to look forward to after a long, lonely night…

The misery will go on till it consumes me, and the long, lonely night of sorrow will never give way to the pink dawn of happiness…