The Story of Pearl…

18th March, 2007

Someone once said, "Life is not a Bed of Roses", and so right it is!!!

No, I’m not going to tell you anything about how difficult life has become in the modern world... I don't like sermons - whether I am the one giving it, or I'm at the receiving end - I find them pure wastage of time. (I’m not talking about Fathers and Churches and Masses here - I am just talking about normal daily-life sermons...)

We, however, find ourselves listening to sermons everywhere - from our teachers, parents, guardians, over-protective friends, life-partners (past, present and future!!) and in extreme cases, from people we don't even know (ever got a sermon from a Good Samaritan, because you weren't crossing the road properly? Well, I did... He did not give a damn about why possibly I was so lost as to be crossing the road like a mad-woman - all he cared about is the sermon... And no, he DID NOT have a care about my safety - it wouldn’t make any difference to him if I died or hurt myself, take it from me)

Anyway, getting back to the point - sermons - I don't like them, and I'm not about to write one out... No, I just wanted to write to help ease my pain a bit...

I have always prided myself upon my ability to recognise people fast. Instinct, some would call it. I call it God’s gift to me. It helps me tell who's trustworthy, and who's not... and it’s generally right. But this one time, I chose to ignore it, and I have been woefully, woefully wrong in doing that... Never in my life have I found myself so deceived, and so broken...

For quite some time now, I've been used to staying all alone, fending for myself. I have learnt much in these years, in this short but hard life that I’ve led. One of them is to trust my first instincts... and the other is that friendship, more often than not, is done only with a motive in mind. If I have something to offer, the person in front of me will gladly be my 'friend'. If not, I can get lost. That’s the way it works. But with Pearl, I somehow forgot both my lessons – and God helped me revise them!

Don’t quite know how, but I foolishly thought I'd found a "friend" in Pearl who's different from the lot. A friend who was not by my side only because I could offer something, but because I meant something. How terribly silly I was... How could I even think that all those times we've been together through thick and thin was because of selfless friendship? Why did it take me so much time to discover that I did not really mean a thing to that person? I don’t quite know…

When I first met Pearl, my instinct told me that here was a person who wants fame/recognition at any cost. Here was a person who would do anything to be a name to be reckoned with. Here was someone, who is best avoided... So much for my wisdom! I recklessly disregarded my instinct and befriended Pearl. Things went on smoothly enough... and I told myself, well, after all, I was wrong about Pearl! Sitting up there, God must have had a hearty laugh at my cost that day! Or at least, there must’ve been a smug smile on His face! After all, He did do His bit in warning my instincts! The fact that I chose to ignore His warnings is my fault really, not His!

But then, God is kinder than we blame Him to be! He usually lets you wade out into murky waters, but saves you when you are close to drowning. And the same happened to me...

Completely by chance, I discovered the truth about Pearl. Oh, the pain of it all… the humiliation and the sorrow… I felt as if my heart would explode with grief… This was the person I trusted explicitly? This was the person I had spoken my mind to? There were no words which could console my lamenting heart…

People today come and tell me about things that Pearl has told them about me – things which only Pearl would know, or would be able to cook up. Pearl has lied to me when I showed implicit trust. Pearl has mercilessly lied about my reputation, character and life to the same people, about whom Pearl’s grudges knew no bounds. My heart is broken, because the one person I had opened myself up to, was Pearl.

But no matter - I've got to know the truth at last. I was faced with the truth late, after several years of our “friendship”, but it’s not too late. I still have the option of saving myself from further defamation, embarassment and heartache. I have been vilified far and wide, but the people who’ve heard all that know the truth about the speaker, and in the end, it’s Pearl's reputation at stake, not mine.

And there, God proves his existence to me once again... I know the lesson was a harsh one, but I also know why God made this happen to me. It was because he wanted to remind me once again that my first instinct should be trusted, and He made sure I’d not forget the lesson again... My instinct is His gift to me, and has never let me down so far, and now I know that it never will!

My pain... yeah, it's reduced. It's not possible for me to forget the entire thing, but I'll forgive. I'll take time, but I will get up, put the shattered pieces of my heart together, and once again get on with life... And now that I've said it, I find that it’s really not as difficult as I made it out to be! Life's not easy, but hey, it's not that difficult either!!!